from the title you might think you know what this post is all about-- but you're probably wrong. I'm not talking about a diet or cleanse, nope. not drinking green juices and waving goodbye to sugar for 30 days. there is nothing wrong with attempting or doing those things, they can be great! but we've found they don't work for us in the long term. (do they work for anyone long-term?) after those 30 days or weeks, I'm still going to end up eating cake on my birthday.
I'm talking about a mental detox.
since having our daughter, I've tried to be conscious of my own habits and how now and in the future, she will be watching me (even when I'm not aware of it) as an example of who to become as a woman in this world. this world was a hard place for me to grow up in, and I can only imagine how much harder it's becoming. as I reflect on who I am and the things I do and say to myself (out loud or in my head), I am mindful of how I would NEVER want Birdie to hear those words or repeat them about herself. it breaks my heart to think about it. the negative self-talk, thoughts about food or weight or acne or a bad hair day! I don't want her to grow up believing she needs to "detox" or think sugar or carbs are bad for her body or there are certain foods mama "can't" eat but I feed her anyway. how confusing is that?
we are striving for balance as a family, I want food to be normal, something used as fuel for her fast running legs and brainpower for her math homework. ice cream is something she can and should enjoy in a balance among all the other food groups (yes, ice cream is a food group ;) so as I am trying to relearn my own way of thinking and eating, and to be softer with myself and my own thoughts about myself, I'm actually having to teach myself the things I want my daughter to simply grow up knowing from the start.
as a woman, especially as a new mother in postpartum life, it's so easy to get down on yourself about the way you look, because you just don't feel like yourself anymore in so many ways. from now on, I'm not allowing myself to look at old pictures and wish I looked the way I did when I was 22, because-- guess what? I'm not 22 anymore!!! I have a beautiful baby my body grew and brought into this world, I should LOVE my body, as imperfect as other people or society may think it is. I'm not going to try to squeeze into my pre-baby jeans or curse myself when they still don't fit. I want to be healthy, physically and mentally, and be the best version of me, not just for my baby, but finally for myself.
caring so much for my daughter, and wanting to be an example to her has been what I needed all along to finally accept myself, "flaws" and all. I want to show her she is beautiful and perfect just the way she is, and it's showing me the same thing in return.
if you hear any of your own truths in this, just listen:
buy some new pants that fit, who cares what size they are.
eat that cake on your birthday.
be kind to yourself, you only have this life.
don't waste it hating who you are.